Monday, March 30, 2009
yo
so whats up im here chillin letting the heat of the day come and go letting my worries pass with each second not thinking of what should be done but what i want to do. its done my worries have stopped along with pain the bad thoughts are gone and the joy has come in
im still around
things have gotten crazy but im here lots of things to do got to go love you guys see ya later
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
well im doing it
im leaving my things are packed and most is at my new place YAY that sounds mean i know
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
how can the world
be so cruel knowning some are to weak to take it knowning they'll lose it and be gone knowning it will take over the pain will become to much and that weak little person will be no more..........
im gone.
im gone.
HELP!!!!
im losing in i cant it any more what do i do how do i do it when
all the preasure the yelling the disapointment the pain its all crashing down
all the preasure the yelling the disapointment the pain its all crashing down
murder
i dont understand and then yet i do
its hard to deal with they were just babies and there mother killed them under my bed i had to pick them up my hand its different i dont know how to explain it but i dont want my own hand near me it feels wierd i know it sounds wierd my little kittens gone all because they were murdered
its hard to deal with they were just babies and there mother killed them under my bed i had to pick them up my hand its different i dont know how to explain it but i dont want my own hand near me it feels wierd i know it sounds wierd my little kittens gone all because they were murdered
Monday, March 23, 2009
humans
in the dark they flee to the light
put them in a cave light a match and all eyes are on the flame
im not like that i flee from the light to the dark
put them in a cave light a match and all eyes are on the flame
im not like that i flee from the light to the dark
Friday, March 20, 2009
joke of the day
Guy walks up to girl
Guy says "Hey, baby."
Girl says "I have a boyfriend."
Guy says "I have two goldfish."
Girl says "What?"
Guy says "Oh im sorry I thought we were talking about things that don't amtter."
Guy says "Hey, baby."
Girl says "I have a boyfriend."
Guy says "I have two goldfish."
Girl says "What?"
Guy says "Oh im sorry I thought we were talking about things that don't amtter."
all alone
all alone in the dark you hold those sweet memories
that sang the night he held you so close in his arms
listened to the words as he whispered i love you
believed what he said was true
that sang the night he held you so close in his arms
listened to the words as he whispered i love you
believed what he said was true
what to do
what to do when your heart is in two
torn apart
long gone all alone
all because you have no heart
they took it and ran
now your left to heal but cant
all because you have no heart
its gone he smiled at you and half of you disapeared then another kissed you and you became all alone
all because they took your heart
torn apart
long gone all alone
all because you have no heart
they took it and ran
now your left to heal but cant
all because you have no heart
its gone he smiled at you and half of you disapeared then another kissed you and you became all alone
all because they took your heart
all i ever wanted
was for you to love me to hold me to kiss me to be mine to see your smile hold you in my arms
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
knowing
keep going on knowing that he loves her that i cant have him that she's better knowing that i'll stay by his side in a way being the other girl but never being able to be the girl
how do i
how do you stop loving someone,
i know
how do you stop thinking of him,
i know
how do you stop crying,
i know
how do stop pretending like you dont love them,
i know
i know how to stop it all but i stand there and take it because i love him and i'd rather take the pain than make the pain
i know
how do you stop thinking of him,
i know
how do you stop crying,
i know
how do stop pretending like you dont love them,
i know
i know how to stop it all but i stand there and take it because i love him and i'd rather take the pain than make the pain
all because
his letters in my hand i hold his words
its all i have till he returns
the little love he gives is all i have
all because he loves her...
its all i have till he returns
the little love he gives is all i have
all because he loves her...
Monday, March 16, 2009
MY TURTLES :>
HEHE I GOT THEM I FILTER AND SOON IM GETTING THEM A NEW TANK THEY LOVE IT I COULDNT GET THEM ONE BEFORE BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY BUT I GOT THEM ONE TODAY AND JUST GOT IT SET UP THEY LOVE IT ITS AWSOME MY TURTLES ARE MY BABIES IM SO HAPPY THERE HAPPY
i dont understand
how one can love another so much see the beauty in him see the love see everything
but he doesnt love her
he loves another
he tells her he does love her and cares for her just in not the same way
he calls her baby sexy amazing and beautiful
he kisses her like nothing she's ever felt
he holds her so tight
he makes her feel truly beautiful
then he leaves to be with the other and breaks her heart once more
but he doesnt love her
he loves another
he tells her he does love her and cares for her just in not the same way
he calls her baby sexy amazing and beautiful
he kisses her like nothing she's ever felt
he holds her so tight
he makes her feel truly beautiful
then he leaves to be with the other and breaks her heart once more
really down
i know i seemed happy today but i been really down today i dont want to be here i dont want to be anywhere i want out i want away i want to be free why cant i just be free
Sunday, March 15, 2009
i dont want to
i dont want to love him
dont want to think about him
dont want to care
dont want to remember
dont want to think of him
dont want to ok i just dont want to but i do
dont want to think about him
dont want to care
dont want to remember
dont want to think of him
dont want to ok i just dont want to but i do
in tears
in tears once more hurt once again got my hopes up another time just to have them thrown away...........knowing it will all happen again
Thursday, March 12, 2009
i had the best day
with school and work it was AWSOME i mean yea there were some problems one of my very close friens was talkin about me behind my back and then i found out that another really good friend was doing the same the only difference is that she told me but i got alot of great news and i am going to keep this day happy lol
you know what
friends are suppose to be kind and best friends aren't suppose to talk behind your back well i learned that sometimes friends are better than best friends
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
have you ever
have you ever been so depressed that you wrote letters to the ones you love
i have
have you ever tried to leave
i have
have you tried to close your eyes forever
i have
have you ever ran until you clouldnt run anymore
i have
have you ever wished the sky would fall
i have
have you ever wished the world would end
i have
have you ever tried to hide from the world
i have
have you ever hid everything just to make others happy
i have and i do......
i have
have you ever tried to leave
i have
have you tried to close your eyes forever
i have
have you ever ran until you clouldnt run anymore
i have
have you ever wished the sky would fall
i have
have you ever wished the world would end
i have
have you ever tried to hide from the world
i have
have you ever hid everything just to make others happy
i have and i do......
a knot...
a knot forms when he comes into view
it turns and twists getting bigger growing with each time you see him each time you hear his voice feel his soft skin brush his gentle lips with yours
yet at the same time it all smooths the knot
it turns and twists getting bigger growing with each time you see him each time you hear his voice feel his soft skin brush his gentle lips with yours
yet at the same time it all smooths the knot
Sunday, March 8, 2009
well hello
well hello to the world guess what i got my phone back yup yup yup a week early yay me I'm happy now i pray that things will change that my family will see what there doing to me
everyday they take who i really am and throw it away like I'm trash
I'm not good enough to them i need to grow up i need to be an adult i need to lose the joking and fun
so when I'm home i don't play around
I'm 17 i was raised in a family filled with drugs and drinking my mother a drug addict and my father a drunk i helped take care of my little brothers when i was still little can any of you imagine that being a kid raising your brothers being hungry giving your food to them wearing dirty clothes my father left when my mother was pregnant with my littlest brother well my mother found a boyfriend another druggie like her what i perfect match well one day that little family i had was stolen away just like that i watched the cops swoop in and take my mother i watched them handcuff her put her in the back seat of the cop car and drove away i loved her i don't know why but i did i worshipped her as they left i thought i would stay with my grandma who lived right next door it was Sunday so we had just got back from church well i was wrong they took all us kids to child haven i watched them take my little brothers away i got to say with one of my sisters i have two older sisters and two younger brothers they separated us by age my brothers were taken away i was not aloud to talk to them i had to see them through a fence i had to share a room and and everything was timed i wore others clothes and showered in a big bathroom where there were others in it i got lice my grandma and aunt got us all out i cried every night for my mother i prayed i hoped and wished that i would get my happy ending my parents back together the drugs and drinking to go away just to be happy but no my mother was released and picked drugs and her boyfriend over us kids and my dad never came to see how we were doing the whole time one time he never came around for a whole year i cried so much in that time i was a scared little girl who just wanted that happy family everyone talks about well i soon realized that wasn't going to happen after awhile we moved to Texas it felt like things were getting better i thought i would never have to see my mother again i was happy i hated her and still do she chose that crap over her own kids what kind of person would do that well we had to come back to Vegas i was not happy at all i still aren't i hate this dry place well on our way here my grandfather pasted away i was devastated i hated everything i hated the world i hated me i blamed myself for his death i sucked everything in i had to be the strong one my grandma needed me we still had a long way to get to Vegas so i did what was needed my grandmother drove and i took care of the kids and when ever my grandma needed anything i was right there we got to Vegas and we had to tell my mother so we tracked her down my and my grandma went to tell her we had to through rocks at a window just so she would wake up and then she walked out and was surprised to see us then my grandma told her i remember it like it was yesterday well the funeral came and i did what was needed i took care of the kids while the adults mourned there dear loved one as the days i shed not one tear i had to be strong they needed a fighter so that's what i became months pasted and then it was time for part of my family to leave for Mexico so i took on more things to make it easier for them a year had pasted not one tear had been shed not one emotion escaped not one fear not one thought nothing was let out i was what they needed with not sharing my thoughts my feelings my emotions i lost who i was i didn't talk unless spoken to didn't smile didn't laugh there was no need for it my thoughts turned dark lonely cold home safe well as the time pasted i fell in love he made me see knew light so i told my family that i didn't want to live anymore i told them things that were in my head secrets i was put in therapy i changed and decided to tell him that i liked him i waited a year just to tell him well he didn't like me back it crushed me but i stood tall shoulders back and chin held high and kept talking to him i helped him get with this girl that he really liked and we kept talking just as friends because id rather be his friend than nothing at all every day i lied to myself every time i saw him my heart was broken again and when they were together i didn't look at him because i knew i would cry and that was weak as time pasted he started to like me back but he thought it was to late because i was with another man well me and that other guy broke up and me and the guy i love got close really close i have been in love with him for three years for now he is gone but he will be coming back and then me and him will be together at least i hope he cares for me i know that much he told me that when he gets back we'll see what happens between us we write to each other and for now that's all i have of him is his letters he asked me to do some things while he's away and I'm doing them its not easy but I'm doing it for him and I'm getting hurt while I'm doing it but i would take any pain for him that's what love is he asked me to date others until he got back so I'm doing it and each guy uses me so relationships don't last long but that's ok because then i would get to close and i dint want that i have never been more in love some think I'm foolish because he has hurt me so much they think i should just give up let go and move on but i refuse because that's not what love is you don't give up on someone just like you wouldn't give up on a child or the ill for a short time he did not see but i believe he has now i believe he has changed i think about him daily his soft skin his god like face that shining smile his memorizing eyes his gentle touch his soft voice his sweet lips i love him his picture is set in my mind forever the feel of his body the way he knew me the way he still knows me like no one has ever known me before in his letter to me he said he still thinks of the good old days hehe not saying what those are he told me they were AMAZING yes he put it in caps he said he would never forget and by the letter i know he loves me...
everyday they take who i really am and throw it away like I'm trash
I'm not good enough to them i need to grow up i need to be an adult i need to lose the joking and fun
so when I'm home i don't play around
I'm 17 i was raised in a family filled with drugs and drinking my mother a drug addict and my father a drunk i helped take care of my little brothers when i was still little can any of you imagine that being a kid raising your brothers being hungry giving your food to them wearing dirty clothes my father left when my mother was pregnant with my littlest brother well my mother found a boyfriend another druggie like her what i perfect match well one day that little family i had was stolen away just like that i watched the cops swoop in and take my mother i watched them handcuff her put her in the back seat of the cop car and drove away i loved her i don't know why but i did i worshipped her as they left i thought i would stay with my grandma who lived right next door it was Sunday so we had just got back from church well i was wrong they took all us kids to child haven i watched them take my little brothers away i got to say with one of my sisters i have two older sisters and two younger brothers they separated us by age my brothers were taken away i was not aloud to talk to them i had to see them through a fence i had to share a room and and everything was timed i wore others clothes and showered in a big bathroom where there were others in it i got lice my grandma and aunt got us all out i cried every night for my mother i prayed i hoped and wished that i would get my happy ending my parents back together the drugs and drinking to go away just to be happy but no my mother was released and picked drugs and her boyfriend over us kids and my dad never came to see how we were doing the whole time one time he never came around for a whole year i cried so much in that time i was a scared little girl who just wanted that happy family everyone talks about well i soon realized that wasn't going to happen after awhile we moved to Texas it felt like things were getting better i thought i would never have to see my mother again i was happy i hated her and still do she chose that crap over her own kids what kind of person would do that well we had to come back to Vegas i was not happy at all i still aren't i hate this dry place well on our way here my grandfather pasted away i was devastated i hated everything i hated the world i hated me i blamed myself for his death i sucked everything in i had to be the strong one my grandma needed me we still had a long way to get to Vegas so i did what was needed my grandmother drove and i took care of the kids and when ever my grandma needed anything i was right there we got to Vegas and we had to tell my mother so we tracked her down my and my grandma went to tell her we had to through rocks at a window just so she would wake up and then she walked out and was surprised to see us then my grandma told her i remember it like it was yesterday well the funeral came and i did what was needed i took care of the kids while the adults mourned there dear loved one as the days i shed not one tear i had to be strong they needed a fighter so that's what i became months pasted and then it was time for part of my family to leave for Mexico so i took on more things to make it easier for them a year had pasted not one tear had been shed not one emotion escaped not one fear not one thought nothing was let out i was what they needed with not sharing my thoughts my feelings my emotions i lost who i was i didn't talk unless spoken to didn't smile didn't laugh there was no need for it my thoughts turned dark lonely cold home safe well as the time pasted i fell in love he made me see knew light so i told my family that i didn't want to live anymore i told them things that were in my head secrets i was put in therapy i changed and decided to tell him that i liked him i waited a year just to tell him well he didn't like me back it crushed me but i stood tall shoulders back and chin held high and kept talking to him i helped him get with this girl that he really liked and we kept talking just as friends because id rather be his friend than nothing at all every day i lied to myself every time i saw him my heart was broken again and when they were together i didn't look at him because i knew i would cry and that was weak as time pasted he started to like me back but he thought it was to late because i was with another man well me and that other guy broke up and me and the guy i love got close really close i have been in love with him for three years for now he is gone but he will be coming back and then me and him will be together at least i hope he cares for me i know that much he told me that when he gets back we'll see what happens between us we write to each other and for now that's all i have of him is his letters he asked me to do some things while he's away and I'm doing them its not easy but I'm doing it for him and I'm getting hurt while I'm doing it but i would take any pain for him that's what love is he asked me to date others until he got back so I'm doing it and each guy uses me so relationships don't last long but that's ok because then i would get to close and i dint want that i have never been more in love some think I'm foolish because he has hurt me so much they think i should just give up let go and move on but i refuse because that's not what love is you don't give up on someone just like you wouldn't give up on a child or the ill for a short time he did not see but i believe he has now i believe he has changed i think about him daily his soft skin his god like face that shining smile his memorizing eyes his gentle touch his soft voice his sweet lips i love him his picture is set in my mind forever the feel of his body the way he knew me the way he still knows me like no one has ever known me before in his letter to me he said he still thinks of the good old days hehe not saying what those are he told me they were AMAZING yes he put it in caps he said he would never forget and by the letter i know he loves me...
Saturday, March 7, 2009
IM SO NOT HAPPY
WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO COME HOME AND DO THE DISHES
WHY SHOULD MY PHONE GET TAKEN AWAY WHEN I PAY THE BILL
WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE IM NOT IN MY HOUSE
IT'S MY HOUSE
I CANT BE HYPER I CANT LUAGH I CANT DO ANYTHING
I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ON THE COMPUTER RIGHT NOW
WELL GOT TO GO
WHY SHOULD MY PHONE GET TAKEN AWAY WHEN I PAY THE BILL
WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE IM NOT IN MY HOUSE
IT'S MY HOUSE
I CANT BE HYPER I CANT LUAGH I CANT DO ANYTHING
I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ON THE COMPUTER RIGHT NOW
WELL GOT TO GO
Thursday, March 5, 2009
a post about a post
yea im posting a post tellin you about a post lol theres a few of them on my besties blog lol there sweet and wen i say sweet i mean wicked lol shes really good at writing so yea you should go its www.butterflykiss13.blogspot.com GOOOOOOOO!!!!!
im sick
and bored im in my student aide class lol im with my bestie shes freakin AWSOME
yea the best we have the most fun EVER like you cant even believe lol dont ask cuz its mine and hers secret muahahahaha lol hehe
yea the best we have the most fun EVER like you cant even believe lol dont ask cuz its mine and hers secret muahahahaha lol hehe
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
IF I DONT WANT TO THEN I DONT WANT TO
if i dont want to smile then i dont want to
dont tell me to do something i dont want to do
just shutup and move on
get over it
if you want to get an attitude then go somewhere else
if you think you can come around and do what ever your wrong
im not gonna take anymore crap
dont tell me to do something i dont want to do
just shutup and move on
get over it
if you want to get an attitude then go somewhere else
if you think you can come around and do what ever your wrong
im not gonna take anymore crap
a new day has arrived
a brand new day
i woke up and realized in my eyes the world is different
its not as clear but a new vision is in view
the world is brighter but yet still dim
ppl say hello and i do my bast to say hi back
im confused scared but yet happy
im happy because for once im me and ppl can see it
all my life i have hid who i am
well i let me out and others can see
so if you dont see i dont care the nice caring person is gone im done caring for all of your problems i have them to so suck them up and move on
i woke up and realized in my eyes the world is different
its not as clear but a new vision is in view
the world is brighter but yet still dim
ppl say hello and i do my bast to say hi back
im confused scared but yet happy
im happy because for once im me and ppl can see it
all my life i have hid who i am
well i let me out and others can see
so if you dont see i dont care the nice caring person is gone im done caring for all of your problems i have them to so suck them up and move on
im in school
im in school in class wondering why im here does any of it really matter anymore whats the point who cares why try and then i think of my future and my past my children will not have the life i had they will have better than anything in the world and ill make sure of it i will be there wen they need a friend a mother a shoulder i will be the one to help along as they realize who they are ill be there wen a guy leaves them and ill be there wen i do whats best for them not whats right ill be there wen they hate me and wen they love me but most of all I WILL BE THERE i will not leave like my mother did i will not turn my back on them and i will never choose a guy over them i dont have kids yet but i already love them and that love will never change it will never be broken and it will never die because if i dont have kids here on earth i will have kids in heaven...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
as i sit
as i sit and reflect on my day i start to tear up and then realize ppl are around so i hold them back im ashamed of who i am what i did who i hurt why i hurt him...
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